Mental disorders involve significant disturbances in thinking, emotional regulation, and behaviour (Mental disorders, WHO, 2022). Which sometimes results in stigmatizing, discriminating or laughing at people with mental illness. They spend a lot of time trying to hide it, battling to be like others ‘normal people’; they end up bottling their emotions, hence health conditions or even death.
In my culture, they used to beat dead bodies of people who committed suicide in front of the community, as a sign to show that they were weak and that’s not acceptable.
Mental health is one of the topics with top jokes, rumours, where anybody can make a meme around it referring to a given scenario that happened in their life.
One might wonder, if something is going to happen we are somehow alerted and our consciousness supports us to make sound decisions, so how is it difficult to control one’s thoughts? Are some people with dormant consciousness?
It is scientifically proven that the main parts of the brain involved in mental health conditions are the amygdala, hippocampus, and the dorsomedial thalamus (Where in the brain is depression, NIH, 2013). A reduced metabolism in the prefrontal cortex along with a reduction in problem-solving abilities and inaptness to act on negative emotions, has been implicated in suicidal behaviour (Causes of depression, Harvard, 2022).
Story:
One day, three colleagues, Regina, Kate and Fred, were walking from school after doing an exam, decided to go to Kate’s because her mum is cool and she prepares a nice meal.
As Fred was scrolling on his phone, he saw a story about a 22-year-old man who committed suicide:
“Suicide is trending nowadays” Fred mentioned.
“What has happened now?” Kate asked
“There’s a young man who committed suicide,”
“Ooh that’s so sad. How old was he?”
“22”
“Oh my God! He’s my agemate. But what’s happening to young people these days?”
“How are you surprised? Don’t you know about mental health conditions?” Regina pointed out
“I hear about it but I thought it was for older people, or people who have experienced tough life. Like military or something.” Kate added
Kate and Regina stared at Fred waiting for his opinion…
“I have no idea about it. It’s just a trending thing as I said before, and from the first moment I heard about it, it’s like now everybody is suffering from depression. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense” Fred said, as he scrolled down his phone.
A long pause went by,
“What?” Regina asked
“Do you really believe in this? People have become too weak to face the reality of life, to man-up, this is disappointing.” Fred said
“Well, I think people have suffered for so long in silence that they end up losing the battle”, Regina added
“What battle?” Kate asked
As Regina was giving an example, Kate’s mum called them to come have lunch…
Regina got up first, taking a deep sigh, then Kate followed and Fred came last as he was still looking at his phone
While on the table, Kate brought back the discussion on the suicide case avoiding her mum to ask them about school…
“Ma, there’s a 22-year-old guy who committed suicide”
“Goodness! When, where?” Kate’s mum asked
“It’s in the UK, he was an actor” Fred replied
“That is heartbreaking. 22 is a very young age for somebody to take his own life. That makes me sad. Did he have parents?” Kate’s mother asked
“Yeah, her mother. He committed suicide after the death of his father. He said he (his father) was everything to him.” Fred said
“Oh Lord! Unbelievable! He didn’t get the help he needed” Kate’s mother replied
“How could they have helped him? If let’s say he didn’t ask for help?” Fred asked
“Few times, depressed people open up about their struggles and those are easy to deal with, but many keep silent, except they can’t hide it on their face. When you pay close attention to them, you see it. The more they bottle up their emotions, let’s say disappointment, resentment, anger, sadness, grief,… the harder it becomes to treat them.” Kate’ mum revealed
“That seems like a mystery, I can’t imagine myself failing to express how I feel immediately. Even when I try, it becomes like carrying a heavy rock on my chest. Honestly, mental health is a subject I don’t understand. Are there common symptoms?” Fred asked
“Hm! It depends on the level they’ve reached.” Kate’s mum said
“So what kind of help would they have given him?” Fred asked
“The first thing is to listen to him. Then suggest your support, if he allows, take him to a rehab or hospital depending on how severe his case is.”
“How do you know about all this, mum?”
“I didn’t tell you about my experience with mental disorder patients? After finishing secondary school, I worked with a psychiatric hospital for 1 year and a half”
“Oh! I didn’t know”
At night, Kate gave Regina a phone call…
“Hi Ree! Did you get home safely?”
“Yes, I reached well. Thanks”
“Uhm! Do you mind if I ask you something?”
“No, please go ahead.”
“I saw your mood was strange today. At home, you were absent-minded, what really happened?”
[Deep sigh] “It’s about the topic that Fred brought up, and you guys seemed to make jokes about it. And I didn’t know how to react.”
“Which topic? Mental health?”
“Yes.”
“Oh! I don’t think we made jokes. Personally I don’t have much knowledge about it. And Fred said that he doesn’t understand the subject, and while having lunch my mum enlightened us, so I don’t understand how we made jokes”
“Well, it’s a sensitive topic for me”
“Okay, why?”
“Because, I feel…, I don’t know. Never mind. I gotta go”
“Okay, but you know, if you want to talk, I’m here.”
“Thanks. Bye”
Right after the conversation, Kate started reminiscing all the time they were together as 3 for the past 2 years, she couldn’t tell Regina’s peak happiness or sadness. They are just friends because of school, but nobody really knows about her life.
The next day Kate went to see Regina without notice at her house as she was living alone.
Knocking on the door, “Hey!! It’s me, please open”
Regina wakes up, trying to be sure that she is not dreaming. Kate is still knocking.
“Hey! What’s up?” Regina asked
“Hi! I wanted to see you urgently.” Kate, entering the room. “Look. I really want to understand what you told me on the phone yesterday… about mental health. I must have been ignorant and absent; but I want you to know that I am here and I value our friendship, I mean your company. Coz that conversation made me realize we aren’t as good buddies as we think. In brief, walk me through your thoughts and emotions, I am all ears..”
“Whoaah! Thank you for your concern.” Regina replied all surprised
Where do I start…” [clears throat nervously] “I know something about mental health; well; anxiety disorder, personality disorder and depression because mental health is a large concept…” [Regina says, but looking and acting very uncomfortable like her chest is being opened, rib by rib, almost exposing her heart] “Can I be honest? I think we should have something to drink for me to open up, coz now I’m struggling to spill it out” [laughs softly]
“Okay, let’s do it. I’m all in!” Kate replied
[Regina opens 2 bottles of beer and hands one to Kate] “Cheers”
“Cheers”
“A lot of times I have negative feelings. Sometimes intense, other times light. And what frightens me is, it doesn’t go away. The world is becoming so small, like I don’t have any more space around me or a place to hide. You know?” [Sighs]
[Kate nods]
“It feels like living under bed or beneath water,” Regina proceeds. “Counting your breaths, holding any movement your body can make to not make noise and the monsters out there swallow you alive; the heart is always beating from excessive fear and panic attacks. So, when I hear stories about people committing suicide, it’s the easiest thing to understand, not that I think of doing it, I just don’t blame people with suicidal thoughts. I just wish they could have held on with life a little bit longer.”
[A quiet moment as they both sip on the bottles]
“Is there a reason for feeling that way? Like an incident that happened to you and you… can’t get over it?” Kate inquired
“Let me see, frankly speaking, I can’t think of one single thing, but it’s the ensemble of little things kept inside our mind. It can be associated with parental absence during childhood, separation from your loved ones, expectations, failure, misunderstandings here and there, judgements,… that construct shame, solitude, hopelessness, dissociative disorder, and so on. Have you seen mud daubers building their nests? When you let them, they can make them big; same as depression, it starts small. Then after a while, it becomes like a shield. When you try to remove some walls you feel cold, like you’re becoming naked.”
[Regina opens another bottle, then proceeds] “And let me tell you something, many people who commit suicide know every best piece of advice you could give to someone you care about. Then the mind swings around and pulls you close to the grave.”
[Regina finishes the bottle and takes another one] “There’re times you feel like you’re living for the people you love because you know they would be devastated if you weren’t no more; you don’t live for yourself; all hopes of what you’d do or who you’d be is gone. And being able to see another day is the victorious prize you can give to yourself.”
[Kate looking all shocked with tears in her eyes] “I am so sorry to hear about all this. Have you tried to get help? Is there any other person who knows about this?”
“Haha, don’t worry I’m okay, but I planning to go for therapy, and there’s my cousin brother whom we sometimes share our journeys.”
“Is it hereditary?”
“Possible. You’re not drinking. I’ve already drank six bottles”
“Oh! I’ll take another one. It’s very unfortunate that I’ve known you for 2 years without knowing this, how you feel…”
“Don’t blame yourself, I didn’t want anybody to know. Coz I don’t know how people are going to react. Many will ask ‘why’, ‘since when’ all the questions you can’t answer yourself – the reason why you feel disconnected from your life’. Also, I fear that people will make jokes about it, like the other day you heard what Fred said? It’s normal right, but for someone going through any of the above mental health conditions, it softens the death awaiting you. Or like now, I don’t know if I’m not being a burden to you, making you feel like you have to fix it or feel sorry for me. Dude, I don’t blame people who walk away, because any reaction can turn into something bad you didn’t intend to do.”
“What would you advise me to do?”
“Uhm! That’s a good question; do not look at me any differently. I’ll share with you things that trigger negativity from time to time, and then we’ll figure out along the way. Did I tell you how much I enjoy the friendship we have? You guys pour happiness into my life. Being around you is one of my favorite things to do. I am sorry that sometimes I let you down. It’s because at some point, I fail to be a good friend to myself too, and you can’t give what you don’t have. And I’m being truthful. I can’t lie when I’m drinking, [makes a loud laughter]”
“No one would believe what you just said. I mean, you’re fun to be around, you are the best singer and dancer I’ve ever met. I always imagine your bright future, and now hearing what you said, I’m in shock. Of course, sometimes I’d see you withdraw from conversations or refuse to meet some people, but I thought it was part of being selective in a positive way and keeping your boundaries…. I am really sorry for what you have been through.” Kate said, holding firmly Regina’s left hand.
1 in every 8 people in the world live with a mental disorder (Mental disorders, WHO, 2022).
Are mental disorders treatable? Scientists are still trying to answer that question. Repeated episodes damage the brain, especially in the hippocampus. It’s important to get help for your mental health condition. Early treatment might help you avoid or ease some complications (Physical effects of depression on the brain, WebMed, 2022).
